


And Baby Makes Three

by EventHorizon



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, M/M, World Snake Day, mystrade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 17:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19834867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EventHorizon/pseuds/EventHorizon
Summary: Greg brings home a tiny surprise, though he's the only one who seems happy about it...





	And Baby Makes Three

“Hello, love.”

Gregory stepped fully into Mycroft’s study and beamed merrily at the sight of his partner showing every sign of finishing his work, which meant beginning their fun.

“Gregory, what perfect timing. Behold, I am closing my laptop for, I anticipate, the remainder of the day.”

“Ummm… ok, but _maybe_ you’ll still need it.”

“I think not. The matters that have plagued me for some hours have been treated with the most potent of anti-plague medications and I am currently free from any pesky boils and sores.”

“Alright, but… ok, maybe _we’ll_ need it. How’s that?”

“For what reason?”

Greg reached inside his pocket and drew out…

“Gregory, that is a snake.”

“Yeah.”

“There is a snake in your hand.”

“He’s teeny, so I suspect he’s actually a snek.”

“That does not exist.”

“I think it does.”

“You are incorrect.”

“I saw it on the Internet.”

“Then you are definitely incorrect. More importantly, however why is there a snake…”

“Snek.”

“… snake in your pocket?”

“Well, first he was in the pocket of a suspect we were after in the Harley case then, when we checked the evil sod for weapons, we found this little guy and…”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“You did not agree to take charge of this reptile.”

“I adopted teeny snek.”

“Gregory!”

“He’s teeny-tiny! And he won’t shed hair over your lovely suits or on the sofa. He’ll just slither about and be cute.”

“He shall grow, slither and defecate on my rugs. Have you checked his species? Is it venomous?”

“That’s what I thought your laptop would be brilliant at doing, actually. And, I’ll housetrain him! Give him a little snek poop box or something. He’s smart, I already know that. Put a button and a bit of chicken in my hand and he ate the chicken!”

“Because it smelled like food and the button likely smelled of your sleeve because I can see where you removed it from your jacket.”

“I put a plastic piece of bacon on my plate once and Sherlock ate it, so what’s your point?”

“Using my brother for any evidence of paying attention to what he consumes is dooming an argument to failure.”

“Ok, true, but it _was_ funny. Even you laughed.”

“Be that as it may, you will hand over this snake to the proper authorities…”

“I’m an authority, though we could argue the proper bit because I _will_ admit the facts weigh against me a tad on that score.”

“There are individ… AAAAAHHHHH!!! You put a snake on me!”

“Snek.”

“Blackguard!”

Mycroft glared at the tiny snake now resting on his shoulder who seemed to have an even greater ability than Sherlock for ignoring his glares. And responding most disrespectfully.

“The impudence!”

“He didn’t stick his tongue out at you because he’s naughty; it’s how they smell things.”

“Sniffing a person is a highly acceptable indicator of impudence.”

“You passed the smell test though, look how happy he is!”

Greg grinned as Mycroft screwed up his features while the little reptile slithered forward to curl beneath the edge of his shirt collar.

“Gregory…”

“Really, I’ll feed it and walk it and take it to the vet and all the other things you do with a sweet little snek! I’ll even learn to knit so he can have weensy sweaters to keep him warm. And look posh.”

Mycroft Holmes was an extremely practiced and exceedingly proficient negotiator but, when faced with his lover’s boyish charm, he folded like a cheap beach chair every single time.

“Realize that I will not lift a finger to care for this creature, Gregory Lestrade.”

“Not a single finger shall I ask you to lift! Now, we just need to name him. I _do_ have an idea along those lines…”

Mycroft saw the impish gleam in Greg’s eyes and sighed loudly.

“No. That is utterly… unoriginal.”

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“I can predict with 99% certainty based on what you have been viewing nearly nonstop on the television in your own study.”

“Don’t make it sound as if I’m the only one who likes _Good Omens_. You like it, too, and you know it.”

“If you must have a pet snake…”

“Snek.”

“… _snake_ , I refuse to have it be named Crowley.”

“That’s not what I was going to name it, so you just lost the game to your 1% uncertainty.”

“Really… let me hear the name you chose, then.”

“Well, I did consider Crowley, but it _was_ a bit uninspired and I do like Aziraphale a lot, since he’s sort of me and you’re sort of Crowley, so I put the two together.”

“Oh no.”

“How about… Azley!”

“Oh my god…”

“It’s great, isn’t it!”

“No.”

“Wrong! It’s super-great and he loves it, too.”

“Then I shall, as they say, buck the trend.”

“Nope. You love it. You just don’t want to admit it and give me the satisfaction.”

“Gregory… Ophion’s bones, your snake is crawling into my shirt.”

“Azley just wants to be warm and what’s warmer than his daddy’s skin?”

“I am not his father.”

“I have no proof of that.”

“Gregory!”

“I’ll pour a nice whisky for you while you two get to know each other. Then we can watch _Good Omens_ together like a family. Which we are.”

“You have seen that programme a dozen times already, at minimum.”

“Maybe. But Azley hasn’t.”

“Snakes…”

“Sneks.”

“SNAKES do not watch television.”

“This one does. He was watching the telly in the break room while we were filling out a bit of paperwork.”

“Whisky, Gregory. Now.”

“Yes, Your Lordship!”

Greg darted off, leaving Mycroft to take a deep breath and reach into his collar and extract the snake who was merrily investigating the nice warm cave it had discovered.

“Harken unto me, reptile. Gregory is the soft-hearted member of his household and, as such, directing your various demands to him is the correct strategy for your continued survival. Look not to me for sustenance, aid or comfort, lest you be profoundly disappointed.”

Azley opened his mouth and made a small sound that, to Mycroft’s ears, sounded like a dry cough.

“Good heavens, did Gregory leave you parched? Already he is failing to deliver on his promises as I knew, I simply knew he would. Very well, this once, and be clear on the singularity of this event, I will provide you with water. But that is the final act of altruism you will receive from me. Though… the house does seem a touch chill for a cold-blooded animal. Perhaps a small garment would not be amiss to ensure good health. Let us see what we can fashion for you after your drink. But, remember well… I am not falling victim to your minuscule appeal. Not that your appeal is minuscule, mind you, I was simply reflecting on your body size. Daddy Mycroft would not shame you for your size, for he is not a rude individual, unlike some I know who might be named Sherlock, but you can judge that for yourself once you meet him…”


End file.
